


A Study of Living in Your Own Skin: A Presentation by Adam Parrish and Richard Gansey the III

by Kasket



Series: A Study in Love [1]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, background very obscure czeng, trcexchange2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 00:44:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13065579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kasket/pseuds/Kasket
Summary: Hate would be a strong word for Adam Parrish to use to describe his feelings for Richard ‘Dick’ Gansey the III, the overtly pretentious guy who sits in the front row in his world history class. Adam’s feelings for Gansey are complicated, and it doesn’t help when Professor Malory suggests that the two boys make a presentation for an upcoming Comparative Mythology Conference. As Adam encounters Gansey and his strange obsession with a dead Welsh king named Glendower, Adam learns an invaluable lesson that Yale could never teach him. There is always more under the surface.





	A Study of Living in Your Own Skin: A Presentation by Adam Parrish and Richard Gansey the III

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, peeps! It's been a while. This a gift for the awesome coolkumquat on tumblr in celebration of the [trc-exchange](https://trc-exchange.tumblr.com/) because the world needs a little more Adansey, and these two nerds need a little more love. Just a tiny warning that there are references to abuse and kidnap in this fic to those who may be triggered by those subject matters. 
> 
> Lastly, I want to give special thanks to [theboywholivednotdied](http://dollopheadsandclotpoles.tumblr.com/) for being such an amazing beta reader and friend! You're probably sick of me obsessing over this fic. Thank you so much!!!!!
> 
> Please enjoy and Happy Holidays!

_Hate_  would be a strong word for Adam Parrish to use to describe his feelings for the overtly pretentious guy who sat in the front row in his world history class. Annoyance, maybe? Frustration, definitely yes. If Adam was honest with himself, he would admit that this all boiled down to a simple case of jealousy, as irrational and passionate as it was.

Every Tuesday and Thursday, like clockwork, Adam ran into Professor Mallory’s world history course, warm and sweaty because Introduction to Psychology was located all the way across campus, and the only way he could make this class on time was if he sprinted. And before every class, like clockwork, Professor Mallory and Richard ‘Dick’ Gansey the III engaged in a highbrow, scholarly conversation while the rest of the class sat in silence, watching the two intellectuals go back and forth like a tennis match. That was annoying, but it wasn't the most irritating thing about class.

The most insufferable part of world history was watching Gansey’s hand fly up again and again and __again__  to answer Mallory’s questions with the most roundabout and pretentious responses known to mankind. The guy couldn't go three words in a sentence without breaking out an SAT prep word such as __repugnant__ , __injurious__ , and __grandiose__. Words that made the entire class nod in approval and lean forward in their seats to get a glance at Richard Gansey the III. Meanwhile, Adam felt like he needed to bring a thesaurus to class.

The students at Yale University were the daughters and sons of CEO executives, senators, and Nobel Prize recipients. Adam Parrish was the son of nobody. Most students here inherited a disposition towards success from their parents. Adam inherited a disposition towards quick anger and alcoholism. Being at Yale, being surrounded by thoughtful intellectuals, was a constant reminder that he didn't belong. He was just an imposter, a wannabe, killing himself with academics just to prove to the world that Adam Parrish was normal, that he could fit in, that he wasn't as fucked up as he felt sometimes. In the presence of Richard Gansey the III, Adam felt like a nobody. He felt it like a stab to the heart.

Today in class, Professor Mallory started on a grueling lecture on the culture of ancient Greece, and it wasn’t long before Gansey’s hand rose high in the air to contribute to the class discussion.

“Contrary to the fantastical myths the Greeks constructed, much of their culture was rooted in an essential rationality. The Greek hero Hercules was said to have conquered some of the most preposterous beasts, and yet, he resided in the city of Thebes, an actual city in Greece. Coincidentally, the exact city where Aphrodite, the love goddess was born of sea foam. The Greeks endowed their gods with the resemblance of man, ‘at the age when youth is loveliest’ as Homer once quoted, because man was most rational, and therefore their gods dwell in the image of man.” 

While Mallory and his classmates nodded in approval before launching into a discussion of the role religion played in ancient Greek society, the corner of Adam’s lips twitched with irritation. This guy could not be more full of himself, sprouting out ridiculous words like __endowed__ just so heads would turn in his direction. Who just threw that word into normal speech? Who randomly quoted Homer on regular occasions? No one, except Richard “Dick” Gansey the III. Other hands punched the air to add on to the ostentatious comment.

When class ended, Professor Mallory implored the students to pick up their essays assigned from two weeks ago. Adam spent his time slowly packing away his notes as other classmates piled into one line to collect their papers before dashing off to their next class. He glanced down at his wristwatch, a cheap thing that he splurged on at Walmart once. Adam, thankfully, had a free period, and he had planned to spend it in the library catching up on this week’s readings. When most students had cleared out, Adam approached Mallory who was engaged in a deep conversation with Gansey. Mallory’s smiling eyes flickered to Adam before he pulled his paper off the top stack.

“Ah, Mr. Parrish, wonderful essay on Hammurabi’s code. Absolutely insightful. This is what I mean about thinking critically about history.”

Adam’s expression brightened, and he stood a little taller at Mallory’s compliment like a plant in the sunlight. “Thank you, sir.” 

“You must know Old Gansey boy here.” Mallory reached over and patted Gansey on the shoulder, and Adam’s gaze drifted to him. It was hard not to miss his presence. He was like the light that drew in moths; wherever Gansey went, eyes followed. Adam had never been this close to him before. Gansey was one of those model types that could be found in a Ralph Lauren spread with his styled brown hair, his Hollywood smile, his classic, Anglo-Saxon face that any sculptor would kill to look upon. 

“Pleasure to meet you, Adam Parrish.” Gansey’s mouth wrapped around his name in a way that would make anyone feel worthy, and for a second, Adam was almost bewitched. He extended his hand to shake, and Adam took it. The handshake was steady and firm. 

“It’s great to finally meet you. You have so much to say in class.” 

Gansey laughed, letting go of Adam’s hand and dropping his own to his side. 

“Now that you two have met,” Professor Mallory pushed his spectacles up on his nose. The statement caught Adam off-guard, curious as to what the professor would say next. “Mr. Parrish, this year, Yale will be hosting a Comparative Mythology conference at the end of January. Gansey Boy here is looking for a partner to present with, and I would highly recommend you as a worthy co-presenter.”

Adam felt gobsmacked by the offer. He turned to Gansey, who appraised him, a hopeful glimmer in his deep hazel eyes.

“I…” Adam cleared his throat. “Could I have some time to think about this before I commit?” 

Professor Mallory looked to Gansey for answers, who simply nodded.

“Yes indeed, in fact,” Gansey reached into his satchel and produced a business card, which he held out to Adam. Adam tried not to judge the fact that a college freshman carried business cards, but also, why hadn’t Adam thought of an idea like that? He took the card, which had Gansey’s telephone number and email address on it. He even had a website too. What could he possibly have on a website? Oddly, his first name Richard or his nickname ‘Dick’ was nowhere on the card, just his last name, Gansey. “Take my business card in case you have any questions.”

“Of course,” Adam tucked it safely in his back pocket. “I should go, but thank you for the invitation.” 

Adam bade goodbye to Professor Mallory and Gansey before dashing off to the library. It was not a long walk from his history class. Adam found a peaceful corner to study in. Normally, he would dive into his Virgil translations, blocking the outside world until he drowned himself in Virgil’s beautiful Latin prose, but his mind kept going back to a certain crisp pastel pink polo shirt. Adam gave up on Virgil and made the decision to stay up later tonight to spend more time on his Latin translations. He pulled out the business card in his back pocket and a laptop that he borrowed from the library on his first day of classes before typing in Gansey's website address. 

It was amazing how much time a person could waste on the internet. Adam must have spent thirty minutes sifting through Gansey’s website. Whoever this Owen Glendower legend was, Gansey was obsessed with him. There was a fountain of information on his life, the mystery surrounding his supposed death, these things called ley lines, and other related supernatural events. There were pictures of Gansey’s globe-trotting adventures and notes about his findings. Adam never met someone so… obsessed.

Adam pulled out his graded essay and stared at the comments made by Professor Mallory on the pages, his chest swelling with pride. Maybe he did belong here.  

“Yeah, Dad is taking us to Montreal for the Christmas holiday. How gay is that?” 

Adam groaned and slipped low into his chair. Unfortunately, he knew that voice anywhere.

“Speaking of gay, sup Parrish.”

“Tad.” Adam forced through clenched teeth. Tad strolled over, cuffing him on the back of the head. Adam Parrish had the most unfortunate pleasure of sharing a room with Tad Carruthers. If there was anyone who annoyed Adam more than Richard Gansey the III, it was Tad.

“What are you looking at?” He peered over Adam’s shoulder, breathing on his neck and pressing his big nose into the laptop screen.

“Who's that? Your boyfriend, Parrish? I got to say, you have nice taste.” Tad and his friends, who hovered by the table, laughed.

Adam slammed the laptop shut before packing his things away. “I was doing research for a conference that I’m presenting at in January. If you would excuse me, I have to go.” He snatched his belongings off the desk and ran straight into the men’s restroom.

Adam locked himself in a bathroom stall, leaning against the wall with his eyes squeezed tight before slowly picking apart his anger. He knew boys like Tad all too well. The small hicksville town he came from had a fancy private school full of Tads with their expensive cars and superior attitudes and impeccable uniforms. Adam remembered how badly he wanted to be __them__ , to have all the wealth in the world. He wanted the sharp suits and the nice cars and the women draped all over him like the magazine spreads he used to collect.

Yale was supposed to change that. 

When Adam calmed down, he left the bathroom stall and walked to his next class.

*** 

The next morning Adam got up super early, made coffee, and hiked to the library to do more studying. As he dropped down into his chair, a yawn escaped his lips. He finished his Latin translations despite the fact that Tad had sexiled him until two in the morning. Adam stayed up another hour studying for an upcoming test.

As a stack of books dropped on the table in front of him, Adam flinched before he looked up from his psychology notes. Gansey stood before him looking abnormally pristine and chipper for seven in the morning.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” He asked, waiting for an affirmative. Adam stared at Gansey, startled by both his appearance and request. He recovered quickly, clearing the table to make room for Gansey.

“Be my guest.”

He sat across from Adam and cracked opened books of his own to study. They worked in silence, which surprised Adam because the guy never shut up in class. Every once in awhile, he stole furtive glances at Gansey hunched over his textbook, eyebrows furrowed and his thumb brushing thoughtfully over his lips as he poured over the text. Every time, Adam swallowed thickly and went back to working furiously.

Gansey cleared his throat, and Adam looked up at him to find curious eyes studying him.

“Have you given thought to my proposal?”

“Is that why you sat over here? Are you stalking me?” Adam asked, and Gansey’s cheeks flushed.

“No. You didn't call last night to ask questions. I was here first, and I saw you sit down, so I thought I would ask.”

“Richard--” Adam started, but the other boy cut him off.

“Gansey.”

“What?”

“Please call me Gansey. I prefer it,” he corrected. That explained the business card.

“Okay… Gansey,” Adam tested the name on his lips, “I’m flattered Professor Mallory regarded me so highly that he thought I would make a great partner to present at this conference--”

Gansey cut him off again.

“Please consider this piece of information before you decline the proposal. I actually suggested partnering up with you, and Professor Mallory agreed.” He admitted, and that tiny bit of information shook Adam to the core. Gansey choose him? He personally sought __him__  out because he wanted to work with Adam? When Adam didn’t reply, Gansey continued. “Your comments are so insightful and brilliant when Professor Mallory calls on you. I’m jealous sometimes that I hadn’t thought of such a response.”

Richard Gansey the III was jealous of him...

Adam Parrish the I.

 The words almost knocked the breath out of him. He spent months envying Gansey for his intellect and his wealth and his popularity. And this whole time, Gansey envied him. Adam felt something dangerously smug blossom inside his chest.

“I would be honored to have you a part of the team,” Gansey said.

Those words had sealed Adam’s answer. “Okay, I’ll do the presentation with you in January.”

Gansey’s entire expression brightened, and he clapped his hands in delight. “Excellent!” He cried.

“Do you have an idea of what you would like to present on?”

At Adam’s question, Gansey’s eyes grew keen as he leaned over the table in a conspiratory manner. 

“Have you heard of the Legend of Owen Glendower?”

*** 

And so, Adam and Gansey became friends. Gansey was no longer the guy with the overambitious comments in world history, even if he still occasionally threw out an SAT vocab every third word. After classes, they would go to the library to conduct research, or they would go up to Gansey’s dorm to discuss theories about Glendower. Adam even met Gansey’s roommate Henry Cheng, who was a member of the Yale Student Environmental Coalition on campus and planned to run for student council in the spring. Adam enjoyed Henry’s presence, and he liked being in Gansey and Henry’s room. It was bright and imaginative and colorful. On their walls, they tacked up maps of exotic places and posters of Madonna. By their window sill, Gansey had a collection of potted mint leaves. They even squeezed a bookshelf into the dorm, filled with carefully preserved books on various topics from astrophysics to ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs. Some of the books on the shelves weren’t even in English. Some were in French and Latin and Mandarin and Sanskrit. Some were in languages that even Adam couldn’t identify. In a quaint dorm room, they had their own personal library. Adam was in love with Gansey and Henry’s room, and now he had access to it whenever he liked. 

Sometimes they didn’t study when Adam came over, but they went driving in the Pig or watched movies like Indiana Jones and Star Wars instead.

“What’s your house, Adam? I bet you’re a Ravenclaw. Ooh nevermind, I can definitely see you being a Slytherin.” Henry asked on a particular day that Adam and Gansey were studying in their room. Gansey sat at his desk facing the windows, typing quietly as he went back and forth between two opened textbooks and his laptop, and Adam sat on his bed. Initially, he felt uncomfortable sitting on another’s person bed, but Gansey insisted that it was fine.

“My what?’ Adam looked up from his notes at Henry, who was leaning off the side of his loft bed, upside down and smiling at Adam.

“Your Hogwarts house? Gansey and I are both Ravenclaws.”

The word Hogwarts registered to him. Henry was referring to the Harry Potter series.

“Oh. I don’t know. I’ve never read the books or seen the movies.” He said. Adam remembered most kids in his grade being obsessed with the series. He never got a chance to enjoy fanciful and childish things like Harry Potter. His father had beaten all that was whimsical and magical out of Adam’s childhood.

To Adam’s offhand remark, the soft clicking of Gansey’s keyboard stopped as he swiveled around in his chair to look at Adam, and Henry sat up in his bed to openly gape.

“What?”

“Adam Parrish, do not __‘what’__  me,” said Henry. “How have you--” Henry paused, appearing lost for words. When Adam glanced at Gansey for help, he too was staring at Adam as if he was an alien from out of space.“What do you mean--Even if you haven’t read the books, tell me you’re lying about the movies.”

Adam mustered his best apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.”

“Okay. That’s it.” Henry climbed down his loft bed. “Everyone, drop what you’re doing right now.” He said, walking over to Gansey’s laptop and closing it shut.

“Henry!”

Henry ignored Gansey’s protest and grabbed the books that Gansey had flopped over. He took up Adam’s notebook too and dropped them on his desk. “There will be no more Glendower tonight. Instead, Adam is going to grab clothes from his dorm because he is most definitely staying over. Afterwards, we’re driving to Target for popcorn and gummy worms. Then we’re going to have a complete Harry Potter movie marathon, and we will stay in this dorm together for however long that takes.” From the intense, dead serious expression on Henry’s face, Adam believed that Henry would keep him prisoner here until every movie was watched. There was no escape.

“That’s absurd! You can’t show him the movies before he has even read the books.” Gansey cried, horrified, gawking at Henry as if he had suggested setting a library on fire.

“If he sees the movies first, then he has nothing to be disappointed with,” Henry replied before he grabbed the keys to the Pig and tossed them at Gansey, who caught them with an ease that impressed Adam.

Henry had committed himself to this movie marathon sleepover. So Adam ran back to his dorm and packed a bag with his clothes and homework. Despite the fact that this was inconveniencing his plans to study in the library all day tomorrow, Adam felt excited about the prospect of staying over tonight. He never got to do things like this as a child. It didn't take long to pack his belongings before meeting Gansey and Henry outside by the Pig. Henry was already in the back, so Adam slipped into the passenger seat next to Gansey. On the way to Target, Henry talked a lot about his quasi-romance with a blonde guy who skateboarded everywhere around campus. Once he almost ran Henry over...that was the extent of __all__  their romantic and non-romantic interactions.

“Every time I look at him, it’s like glitter exploding inside of me, you know?” Henry gushed in the backseat.

“Uh-huh, that’s nice,” Gansey said distractedly as he leaned forward to see if any oncoming cars were driving towards them as he prepared for a left turn. Henry threw Gansey an exaggerated glare before he sat up, something in the window catching his eyes.

“I forgot there is a Barnes and Noble next to the Target. Pull into the bookstore.” Gansey complied, pulling into the parking lot. Henry took Adam by the hand and dragged him inside.

“What do you need from the bookstore?” Gansey asked Henry, who grinned back at him.

“It’s not what I need.” He grinned at Adam. The other boys were quick on the uptake. They searched the store for the Harry Potter section. It wasn't hard to find as the table was obnoxiously dressed with Harry Potter merchandise. Henry picked up a book and handed to him. Adam barely glanced at the title, flipped over the cover of the book, and scanned the barcode tag.

Ten dollars and ninety-nine cents.

 He could afford that.

Adam flipped the cover back over to reveal a scrawny little boy riding a broomstick. Stenciled at the top was __Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.__

 _ _“__ Henry, if you’re going to make him read the series, wouldn't it make sense to get him this?”

Adam’s head snapped up, and Gansey was holding a huge box of books. Adam’s stomach plummeted. He knew that box cost more than ten dollars and ninety-nine cents, more than what he could afford.

Adam no longer had to work tirelessly at three jobs, and he lived comfortably on his stipend from his one work-study assignment. However, Adam still didn’t have money to splurge on whatever he fancied.

“Oh, that's smart! And it’ll save money!” Henry claimed. Adam took the box in his hands. The price tag almost made him drop the box. Henry must have noticed.

“What's the matter?”

Adam didn’t know how to explain to them that he didn't have the money to pay for this. That awful divide that separated Adam from their world reared its ugly head. His mouth was dry, and heat crept into the back of his neck.

“I didn't bring enough money for this. So let's just get the one book.” He started to put the box back, but Gansey grabbed the other end of it.

“Well, I was planning on buying it myself anyway. Don't worry about it.” Gansey said. Adam stared at him, horrified.

Gansey paying for the books was worse than Adam not being able to afford the books.

“I couldn't let you do that.” Adam pulled on the box.

“It's no big deal. It's only a hundred dollars.” Gansey said with an air of frivolousness that made Adam almost drop the box again.

“Well, a hundred can be a lot for some people.” Adam shot back. “At least let me pay you back for the books.”

“You should hold on to your money. Consider this a gift from Henry and me.” Gansey flashed him that Hollywood smile that could get away with murder. “If anything, this is a gift to Henry.”

“He’s not wrong.” Henry agreed. “You reading the series is payment enough.”

Adam’s pride didn't let him buy into that. He glanced reluctantly between the two. “Fine, but I get to buy the snacks at Target.”

“If that is what it takes, fine.” Henry snagged the box and made an eager stride towards the counter. It left Adam and Gansey alone in the aisle, and Adam could barely meet Gansey’s gaze.

In the end, Gansey paid for Adam’s books. As the price ringed up on the register, Adam turned away. Gansey and Henry, however, were true to their word and let Adam buy the snacks at Target, which assuaged some of his guilt. Later that night, they made buttery popcorn in the communal kitchen. As they snacked on popcorn and gummy worms, and sodas, Adam let Henry and Gansey walk him through their favorite books. Henry preferred the Goblet of Fire while Gansey’s favorite was the Half-Blood Prince. Adam didn’t know what any of that meant. They made it far into the marathon. Henry was the first to go. He fell asleep during the third movie. Adam couldn't keep his eyes open anymore halfway into the forth.

“You’re falling asleep,” Gansey said as Adam’s head nodded back into the futon. Henry was sprawled out across their laps, snoring softly.

“No, I’m not...” Adam protested. “I’m watching.”

“Adam, your eyes are closed.” Gansey pointed out.

“I’m picturing the movie in my mind.”

“We should stop for tonight.” Gansey made a slow attempt to stand, but Adam pulled on his arm.

“I’m awake. I promise. I’m watching.” Adam's words slurred, and he forced his eyes open to look at Gansey who stared back at him with a hint of distrust before settling back into the futon. Adam’s eyes fluttered closed again, and his face sagged into Gansey’s shoulder.

“I never said thank you earlier,” Adam mumbled into the fabric of Gansey’s sweater. He inhaled deeply and caught the strong and comforting scent of mint.

“For what?”  

“The books.”

“Oh, it was nothing really.” Gansey dismissed.

“But it is…” Adam’s yawned. He felt sleep dragging him further and further down the rabbit hole, images swirling until he could see the movie clearly in his mind. Then it was just Gansey and him in their Hogwarts uniforms, walking together on school grounds. “I’m not used to things like that.”

“Things like what?” Gansey sounded far away, despite the fact that he was standing next to him. Adam’s eyes flickered to the dark blue tie, tucked under his jumper. Adam was wearing a matching green tie.

“Doing nice things for me...I’m used to being on my own.”

Gansey smiled, and his hand reached out to brush Adam’s cheek. His voice was as gentle as the balm of Gilead. “You deserve to have nice things happen to you all the time.”

Adam couldn't remember much of his dream after that.

*** 

They were in the local coffee shop pouring over history and mythology books. Gansey had ordered something large and ridiculous like a dirty Earl Grey chai tea with extra vanilla and nutmeg. Adam had ordered a simple black coffee. Gansey offered to pay, which started a passive aggressive argument in front of the cashier. They stopped when the lady behind them cleared her throat in a loud and obnoxious way that told them to take their argument somewhere that was not delaying her caffeine fix.

At the current moment, they were having another disagreement at the table. This time, more intellectual.

“But why would Glendower have his body sailed across the Atlantic ocean of all places? How would he have known about the landmass across the Atlantic when Christopher Columbus didn’t land in the Americas until 1492? Glendower went missing in 1412, eighty years before the Europeans knew about the land?” Adam challenged Gansey.

“Oh, Adam, ye of little faith and always the skeptic. Glendower possessed supernatural abilities as it is mentioned in Shakespeare’s __King Henry IV Part One__. Glendower says ‘Give me leave to tell you once again that at my birth the front of heaven was full of fiery shapes, the goats ran from the mountains, and the herds were strangely clamorous to the frighted fields. These signs have mark'd me extraordinary; And all the courses of my life do show I am not in the roll of common men’ Don’t you see, Adam? Glendower is a magician. He could have easily used his magic to conceal himself without others knowing. And the Vikings discovered America before Columbus, so why can’t Glendower?”

Adam wanted to tell Gansey that quoting Shakespeare in common conversation was pompous, but instead, he said,“You can’t discover land that already has people occupying it. That’s called colonization, also known as a dick move.”

“I can’t tell if that is purely a criticism of colonization or a pun ridiculing me?”

“I’ll leave that up to your interpretation,” Adam smirked.

“Then I am choosing the former.” Gansey laughed before the lines around his eyes and mouth grew soft, and his smile became sheepish. He leaned across the small table, and Adam, feeling daring in the moment, mimicked the gesture, letting their forearms brush together. Gansey glanced down at their arms strangely, but didn’t complain or inch away. His eyes traveled up to Adam’s face. The lighting in the coffee shop brought out the hazel in his eyes. Gansey took in his fair share of Adam too, eyes roving over the features of his face. Heat crept onto Adam’s ears and neck. He couldn’t tell what Gansey was thinking, and when the staring overwhelmed him, Adam swallowed and turned his gaze out towards the window to watch the snowfall.

“I wanted to ask you a question, but I’m not sure how you will respond,” Gansey said, so quietly that Adam had to tilt his head towards Gansey because he was straining to hear.

“Oh?” Adam asked calmly, but his pulse started to race.

“I don’t know if you have plans for the winter holidays or not, but I have a possible lead on some mysterious ley line activity, a few hours outside of DC. I thought maybe you would like to stay with my family for the holidays, and we could drive to the ley lines together...for research.”

It wasn’t the question he expected, and Adam felt both disappointed and foolish. 

“Winter break is a month long.” He frowned. “I don’t want to intrude.” 

“You wouldn’t be intruding at all. I was planning on returning to campus early after the new year. My mother has this new years party that I have to attend. You should come. There will be all sorts of influential people that I’ll introduce you to, who can offer you summer internships.”

The thought of Gansey whoring him out to CEO execs and senators just so he could kiss ass and beg for internships made him nauseous. The heat in his ears and his neck spread all over until Adam was positively brimming at the audacity of Richard Gansey the III.

“And what? Am I supposed to just be your puppy on the leash for the night? Is that it?” Adam asked through clenched teeth. Gansey instantly realized his mistake. 

“No, that’s not--”

“You want me to roll over and do tricks for your little friends hoping that someone will throw me scraps.”

“That’s not what I mean.” 

“What __did__  you mean?”

“I just… I wanted you there for the holidays.” Gansey sighed. His shoulders sagged, and his eyes dropped down to the table. “I mentioned the party because I thought it would make you say yes.”

“I’m not superficial,” Adam said, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not your friend because you can get me connections. I’m your friend because I want to be.”

At those words, Gansey stared at Adam reverent and utterly awestruck.

“Uh, thank you.” Gansey cleared his throat. “That means a lot.”

“I’ll come.”

“What?” Gansey asked.

“I’ll come to DC over the break, and we can check out the ley lines for the presentation.”

Gansey smiled, his eyes bright and twinkling in the soft light of the coffee shop.

*** 

Adam had never been to Washington DC before, and Gansey showed him all that the city had to offer. They went to the Lincoln Memorial and sat on the stairs where Martin Luther King had a dream, looking out over the reflecting pool towards the Washington Monument. They visited the National Archives to get a glimpse at the Declaration of Independence. Every day, Adam thought about the thousands of people they passed by. Some of these people were lawyers who argued before the Supreme Court or doctors rushing off to save lives. Around them, people were making a difference in the world, and Adam wanted to be one of them.

They had just got off the metro at Dupont Circle. As the two boys stepped onto the chilly and crowded streets of Connecticut Avenue, Adam pressed himself close to Gansey’s left side as they walked down the street together. Gansey refused to tell Adam where exactly he was taking him. The only clue he would give when Adam asked was that this place was his favorite setting in all of DC. Adam was naturally curious. They didn’t have to walk for long because Gansey stopped outside a small ma and pa bookstore. Stenciled outside the shop were the words __Kramerbooks & Afterword__.

“Your favorite place is a bookstore?” Adam laughed. Honestly, he should have known.

“Followed by the Library of Congress, That would be my favorite location if we could actually keep the books,” Gansey said before opening the door and motioning Adam inside. Kramerbooks was small and quaint with shelves and shelves of books lining every inch of the wall. Display tables were everywhere and piled with mountains of books, and Adam couldn’t move anywhere without brushing shoulders with another person. Gansey instantly busied himself with perusing the shelves. The place was small enough that Adam felt comfortable enough to detach from Gansey without losing him. He wandered around the store, flipping through books and reading covers until he stumbled upon a title that struck his interest. He snuck furtive glances over his shoulders, his ears burning before he snatched the book to find a comfortable nook to read in. Crammed into a small corner with the book perched on his knees, Adam realized why Gansey favored this place. The bookshelves enclosed around Adam, nestled him into a small and comforting pocket of the bookshop. For a while, Adam was in his own world, reading.

__Philosophers love puzzles, and love provides a welter for puzzle. It does not take exceptional humility to admit that we are often confused about it. Love is selfless; love is selfish. Love is kind; love is cruel. Love is fickle; love is forever. Love is heaven; love is hell. Love is war--_ _

“What do you have there?” Adam’s head snapped up. Gansey loomed over him, peering down at Adam curiously. Adam snapped the book close and stood to his feet.

“Just a book that I found laying around. It looked interesting.”

Gansey glanced down at the cover before his eyes drew back to Adam’s face with a raised eyebrow. “You thought __Love: A Very Short Introduction__  looked like an interesting read?”

“Yes. It’s a very philosophical read.” Adam’s ears burned before his gaze traveled to the books tucked under Gansey’s arms. “Did you buy those?” He slipped the book back on a shelf in a discreet fashion as Gansey fumbled with his books.

“Oh yes! Let’s grab a table in the cafe, and I’ll show them to you.” Gansey said, and Adam followed him to the back of the cramped bookshop and into the cafe. They sat at an empty table before a waitress came by and jotted down their orders. She came back with an apple crumb pie for Adam and a sweet potato cheesecake for Gansey.

“What books did you get?” Adam pointed to the stack of books that Gansey had on the table before cutting into his pie with his fork. As Adam ate, Gansey enthusiastically showed Adam the books he picked up, __Other Worlds: Spirituality and the Search for Invisible Dimensions__  by Christopher G. White and __The Lost Art of Finding Our Way__  by John Edward Huth. Gansey would even flip open the book to read interesting passages out loud, and Adam let him because he liked the sound of Gansey’s reading voice and the way his mouth moved as it wrapped around the words. Gansey prattled on endlessly about his new books for so long that the waitress had picked up Adam’s empty dish way before Gansey finished his cheesecake.

“I’ve heard of strawberry cheesecake or chocolate cheesecake, but sweet potato and cheesecake seem like a strange mixture.” Adam scrunched up his nose, watching Gansey polish off his plate. He still had half a plate of cheesecake to get rid of.

“Would you like to sample a bite?” Gansey asked, pushing the plate across the table, Adam stared at the dessert apprehensively before he picked up Gansey’s fork. He sliced into the cheesecake and took a bite. The sweet taste of maple melted on his tongue and a soft hum of delight escaped his lips. Adam slid the fork out of his mouth.

“Okay, I was wrong. That’s good stuff.” He smiled and held the fork out to Gansey, who stared at him so strangely. He didn’t miss the way Gansey swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing, before his fingers closed around the fork, brushing against Adam’s.

“So,” Gansey cleared his throat. “This is probably none of my business, but I’m curious about the book you were reading earlier. Are you endeavoring to court someone?”

“I can’t believe you just asked me if I’m __courting__  someone.” Adam snorted. “How old are you? Eighteen going on eighty-five?”  He asked, and Gansey didn't miss a beat.

 “A hundred and two actually.”

“Well, then you look good for your age.”

Gansey burst into laughter, and something proud blossomed in Adam’s chest that he managed to put that luminous smile on Gansey’s face. When his laughter died, he asked Adam again. “So are you courting someone?”

Adam shook his head, and his ears started to grow warm again. “I was curious about what love is...from a psychological and philosophical point of view.”

“And you thought you could learn that from a book?” Gansey questioned, furrowing his brow as if he was trying to piece something together about Adam.

“Pathetic, right?” Adam laughed it off, but Gansey didn’t buy Adam’s self-deprecating humor, studying him like a sheet of glass with fracture lines all over, with hesitation and caution. When the staring became too much, Adam changed the subject.

“We should go down to the waterfront today. We didn’t get a chance to go yesterday.” Adam said.

The subject change distracted Gansey.

“You’re right! We didn’t. The Wharf isn’t far from here. We can take the metro down there and walk around for awhile. It’s not a far walk from the National Mall either.”

Gansey, with help from Adam, quickly finished off the rest of the cheesecake before they left the bookshop and hopped back on the metro towards the Wharf. The view was gorgeous, even for winter. Boats and small yachts sat on the sparkling blue water next to the luxurious high rise apartments and swanky shops. Gansey insisted that the view was better in the summer sunshine. They walked along the waterfront, watching the boats in the harbor with Adam’s right shoulder barely brushing against Gansey’s left shoulder as they walked.

“What are you going to do with a psychology degree?” Gansey asked him out of the blue, but Adam could tell that he had been sitting on this question for a while. The comment came off condescendingly.

“What are you going to do with an anthropology degree?” Adam shot back at him.

“No, I’m being serious.” The twinkle in Gansey’s eyes was earnest, and Adam didn’t know what to do with that.

“I’m going to law school to become a criminal prosecutor. Psychology sounded like a smart choice for a background in law.”

“Why?”

Adam paused to look at Gansey. Next to them, a bonfire roared to life and a crowd was making s’mores around the fire.

“Why is psychology a smart decision?”

“No. Why do you want to be a prosecutor?”

An uncomfortable and thick silence passed through them, and Adam felt himself grow awkward by the second. He got the question about what he wanted to do after college all the time, but no one ever asked him why. Adam thought long and careful about what he could say to Gansey.

“I want to help people who can’t defend themselves,” he said, and his own confidence surprised him, as well as Gansey, who stared at him with parted lips.

“That’s…” Gansey took his time with a response. “That’s very noble of you.”  

He ended the sentence with a smile that warmed Adam from the inside out, more than the fire they were standing next to. Gansey’s eyes regarded him as some sort of god made for worship, and Adam rather liked it before he chastised himself for being vain. Vain enough to think that Gansey, the boy with all the wealth and beauty that anyone could ever want, found him worthy. How could Gansey want him when he didn’t even know how broken he was. 

“I’m kind of cold,” said Gansey. “Do you want to snag one of those chairs and have s’mores?”

“Sure.”

“Excelsior!” Gansey cheered, rushing towards an empty chair. Adam laughed.

“Calm down buddy, it’s just a chair--” Adam clipped the end of the word chair as soon as he heard the southern drawl slip out. It made Gansey pause to cock his head curiously at him. Adam’s ears burned with shame.

“What was that?” He asked.

“What was what?” Adam’s voice returned to normal.

“That southern drawl just now?”

Gansey had definitely heard it.

“You can’t talk. Have you heard your voice?” Adam tried to laugh it off, but Gansey flinched and cast him a wounded expression.

“Okay, but I’m not fabricating a neutral accent,” Gansey called out, and the word __fabricating__ made Adam irrationally upset. Did he need to casually throw that word out __now__? Gansey swallowed thickly, his gaze flickering away from Adam. He appeared hesitant to speak, and Adam hated that he was a thing that Gansey had to be cautious with.

“I don’t want to fight today. Could we just forget all of this and get s’mores?”

Adam nodded, not trusting himself to speak. They did just that, ate s’mores on the harbor and pretended like nothing was boiling under the surface.

*** 

The night before they were supposed to leave town, Adam was in the middle of chapter twenty, The Dementor’s Kiss, of __Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban__. He felt determined to finish the book tonight, so he could move on to __Harry Potter and the__   _ _Goblet of Fire__ as soon as possible.

Adam now understood Henry’s shock when he admitted that he had never read a single book. The writing made him laugh out loud. At times, it made him misty eyed. It made him smile so hard until it hurt. It tore his heart out of his chest and left him to bleed. Behind the fantastical backdrop of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, there was something painfully real and human that lived in the spirits of the books.

There was a knock at the door. Adam crawled out of bed, carrying the Prisoner of Azkaban with him. When he opened the door, Gansey was standing in the frame. Adam’s eyes swept over his body. His normally styled hair was tousled and damp from the recent shower he had, and the t-shirt that he wore clung tightly around his torso, exposing the thick muscles of his arms. Adam wondered what would happen if he just dragged his fingers up Gansey’s arm. His hands clenched at his side before quickly releasing. Adam leaned against the doorframe.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“I wanted to check in, make sure that you were comfortable with leaving at eight tomorrow,” said Gansey. The two of them were setting off early in the morning to find information concerning Glendower. Gansey had located some psychics who lived on the ley lines just a few hours outside of Washington. Gansey’s eyes drifted down to the book, dangling in Adam’s hand. “I hope I wasn’t disturbing you.”

“Oh no, I was reading. I just found out that Peter Pettigrew is the traitor, and Sirius is innocent.”

“I love Sirius! He’s my favorite character.” Gansey’s expression brightened. “Do you have a favorite character yet?”

“I like Harry a lot.”

Gansey didn’t say anything. He nodded and quietly studied the lines in Adam’s face. Adam continued. “I’m surprised to hear that Sirius is your favorite. I expected you to say Dumbledore.You’re both are old and eccentric. I thought you would bond over that.”

Gansey laughed and shook his head. “No, Sirius is cool with his long hair and his flying motorcycle. 

“So you’re telling me that you like the bad boy types?” Adam grinned, and Gansey mouth fell open as a scarlet blush crept into his cheeks. He recovered quickly.

“Not a fan of bad boys, are you?”

“Not really, I tend to like them super dorky and kind of obsessed with Welsh mythology.” The words just flew off his tongue without a second thought. His ears grew warm at the unexpected confession, and he reached up to scratch the back of his ear. He was certain Gansey liked him back, but the astonished expression on the other boy’s face caused Adam to second guess whether he had misinterpreted Gansey’s intentions.

“You’re…” Gansey started before he swallowed. “You’re attracted to me?”

“Did I make this awkward? I was getting the vibe that maybe you, uh, felt the same...but if I was wrong--”

“No, no. You weren’t...wrong.”

“Oh,” Adam said because he doesn’t know what else to say. He didn’t plan this far, and this was not the way he pictured confessing to Gansey.

The two stared at each other, at a standstill. Gansey acted first. His hands slid over Adam's shoulders and down his chest, and his palms spread wide on Adam’s breastbone as he pressed Adam against the door. The book in Adam’s hand slipped and hit the floor with a soft thud, and Adam could hardly bring himself to care when the boy with the Hollywood smile and classic Anglo-Saxon face was so close and warm against him. Adam’s hand dragged up Gansey’s arm, feeling the strong muscle underneath, and he thanked God for the rowing team.

Adam’s eyes flickered to Gansey’s lips. “Are you sure--"

The warm press of Gansey’s mouth silenced him, and Adam’s other hand slid into Gansey’s hair, fingers curling around damp, dark locks. Their lips moved slowly and curiously against each other, and their mouths were like explorers on uncharted territory. As Gansey’s tongue work its way into his mouth, deepening the kiss, a gradual warmth flooded Adam’s stomach. His fingers gently pulled at Gansey’s hair, drawing soft moans from his mouth.

Gansey pulled away. Adam let his head fall back against the doorframe, and his hands fell to his side. For a while, the only noise he could hear was his own heavy breathing.

“It’s late,” Gansey announced. “I should probably get to bed.”

Adam’s eyes strayed to Gansey’s moist lips. “Probably,” He mumbled back in agreement. Gansey leaned up and caught a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“Sleep well.” He turned to walk back to his bedroom, and Adam watched Gansey’s figure retreat until he couldn’t see him anymore. Adam doubted if he would sleep at all.

*** 

They were on the open road to find more information about Glendower and the ley lines the next morning. Adam was left wondering if last night actually happened or if he dreamed it all. Gansey didn’t bring up the kiss or attempt to kiss Adam again, even though Adam desperately wanted him to. Instead, they talked Glendower, or they listened to one of Gansey’s favorite podcasts. __Myths and Legend__ s, creating discussion after each episode by using the knowledge they had acquired from Professor Mallory’s class and previous history courses that they had taken. The only tiny reminders that Adam had of last night were the brief and smiling glances that Gansey would make in his direction when he thought Adam wasn’t looking.

Everything was great. Life was great. Gansey and he were great until…

Adam started to notice the very familiar scenery. At first, he had chalked it up to just the landscape of West Virginia, but the resemblance became too noticeable to ignore. Adam had biked up and down these roads many a days.

He sat up in his seat, suddenly alert. “Gansey?” he asked.

“Yes,” Gansey leaned over to turn the speaker down.

“I don’t recall you actually telling me where these psychics were located.”

“Oh, I didn’t?” Gansey frowned. “I must have been so fervid in looking for the ley lines and Glendower that I glossed over some key details. There is a ley line that runs through a small town called Henrietta. Ever heard of it?”

All of the good feelings from last night evaporated. The breakfast from earlier this morning threatened to come up, and his hands shook so awfully that he slipped them under his thighs and sat on them.

“Are you okay? You’ve gone pale.”

“No. I’m fine.” Adam managed to say as he reclined back in the chair, closing his eyes and breathing deeply through his nose and out his mouth. Just his luck that Glendower managed to be hiding out in his old hometown. He considered lying and telling Gansey that he was too sick to make the rest of the trip, but he thought about Gansey’s disappointed expression. He’d called up some important experts to get information about the Henrietta ley lines and driven all the way down here. If Adam lied, it would be all for naught, and he would be sabotaging valuable information for their presentation next month.

They rolled into the sleepy town of Henrietta. It was just like he remembered.

“This is a charming little town,” Gansey commented enthusiastically, watching the scenery whip by with awe. Everywhere Adam looked was a graveyard of memories that he thought he left behind. Finally, they arrived at a blue house on Fox Way. Adam had recognized it. He had biked past it a hundred times on his way into town, but never went in. Adam had heard of the psychics of 300 Fox way before. The topic made for a good laugh with friends when the psychics correctly predicted a run in with an old friend in Walmart or an anecdote when they foretold a disastrous event involving the number six. Adam would be amazed if he actually believed in magic, but these predictions were coincidences, something to forget about when real life got in the way.

They got out of the car and walked up to the door. Gansey lifted his hand to knock, but before his hand even touched the wood, the door swung open to reveal a disgruntled woman with brown skin standing in the doorway, her arms crossed.

“How did you know that we were already here?” Gansey asked with amazement.

“Your car is loud as shit. You can hear it from the next block over. I’m assuming you’re our afternoon appointment.” The woman said, and Gansey nodded before she let them inside. Two other women were waiting for them. Another psychic with dark hair greeted them.

“Could we get some names?” She asked.

“I’m Gansey, “ he pointed to himself before he gestured over his shoulder. “And this is my friend, Adam.”

The psychic who greeted them at the door snorted at this, though Adam didn’t understand what she found so funny.

“I’m Maura. These are my counterparts, Persephone and Calla.” Maura gestured to each one of them before ushering Adam and Gansey into a room that oddly had a hanging portrait of Steve Martin on the wall. Gansey took a moment to examine how out of place it was before they sat down in chairs.

He pulled out a tape recorder and laid it on the table. “Do you mind if I record our conversation? For research.”

“As long as you’re paying, I don’t care what you do,” the woman named Maura said. “Who would like to start first?”

Both boys looked at each other, deciding for a long time before the women name Persephone pushed the deck of tarot cards into Adam’s hands. She told him to shuffle them and get his “energy on the cards.” When he had finished, he handed the cards back to Persephone and watched her lay the cards out before him.

“Pick three.” Her voice was whimsical and soft. Adam did as he was instructed, and Persephone flipped the cards over in front of him. He didn’t know what any of it meant, but his eyes snagged on the card with a lot of swords stabbing into a heap of dirt. That didn’t look good. Persephone’s gaze followed his.

“Life has not been kind to you, Adam.”

Adam swallowed thickly but didn’t answer. He was painfully aware of Gansey’s keen gaze burning into the side of his face.

“You’ve experienced a deep trauma. That is what the ten of swords is telling me. You also have the judgment card next to it. So you have been given a second chance. Have you recently moved?” Persephone asked.

“Yeah, actually.” He cleared his throat. “I moved to Connecticut for college.”

“Good for you, Adam.”

“So, um, what is this card?” He pointed to the final one.

“The magician,” Persephone told him.

“And what does that mean?” Adam asked her, and she smiled at him.

“When you need something done, you call a magician. The possibilities are endless, but that is only if you can let go of fears. Magicians are also connected to healing. Now isn’t the time to throw yourself into your studies and neglect emotional confrontation.”

Adam nodded numbly. Maura took out her own set of cards for Gansey to shuffle. He went through the same routine as Adam. Maura placed Gansey’s cards before him.

“You have drawn the knight of wands, the tower, and the page of cups. The knight of wands usually represents embarking on a journey. You’re looking for something in particular?”

Gansey leaned forward in his chair in slight interest. “Yes, I am. For years actually.”

The presentation and research for Glendower had always been intense, but Adam suddenly realized that their research had very little to do with the presentation and getting published in an academic journal. Glendower wasn’t for the prestige and the honor, Glendower was Gansey’s life. Adam didn’t know why he was so desperate to find him, or why Gansey needed Glendower like he needed air to breathe. He wondered what would happen if Gansey found Glendower. Would he just die because there was nothing else to live for?

“Well, I suspect that there will be new developments. The page of cups usually signals new beginnings, but this could be in other aspects of life, not just your journey. Lastly, there is the tower. You should beware disaster is coming, possibly with the arrival of a stranger.”

“That doesn’t sound good,” Adam said.

“I don’t care about that,” said Gansey frankly, which took all the psychics in the room back. Adam wanted to chide Gansey for being rude, but he kept talking. “That was interesting,” Gansey said it in a way one would say about a story someone told them that wasn’t actually interesting at all. “I was actually wondering if you could give me information about the ley lines in Henrietta.”

“The ley lines?” Maura looked at him strangely. Adam didn’t blame her. Gansey was a strange character. Stranger than the Steve Martin portrait they had hung on the wall.

“Yes, the ley lines.” Gansey went into a descriptive explanation of what the ley lines were, and his suspicion of where specifically the ley lines could be.

“I’m afraid I can’t help you with that.” She said in a way that told Gansey and Adam that she definitely knew something about the ley lines and refused to help them.

“You can’t or won’t?” Gansey challenged.

“Gansey!” Adam said.

“You’re right. I won’t help you.”

“Well, that is quite alright then. Thank you for your services. My friend and I will be leaving. How much do we owe you for your time?”

Gansey paid the women, and the two boys walked out of 300 Fox Way.

“That’s was completely useless.’ Adam mumbled when they climbed into the car. He turned to Gansey in the driver's seat of the Pig. His eyes were keen, and he looked alive more than ever.

“On the contrary, the psychics provided us with formative information. The ley lines are here, and something important must be on it if they are closely guarding it.”

“Or something dangerous.”

“Glendower is here. I just feel it.”

The Pig roared to life.

*** 

They managed the whole day in Henrietta without Adam running into anyone he knew. Granted, they spent most of the day in open fields and on the outskirts of forests with Gansey’s high tech gear looking for clues. They found nothing, but that didn’t derail Gansey who grew even more confident that they would find something the next time they drove down.

Adam didn’t know if there was going to be a next time with Gansey and him. He spent the entirety of his life trying to escape this hellhole. He never envisioned that he would return.

After a long day of hard work, note-recording, picture taking, and researching, they pulled up to a pizza joint that Adam instantly recognized as Nino’s. It was where the Aglionby boys would frequent after classes. Everyone in Henrietta knew that the Aglionby boys owned Nino’s. Adam hardly went to the restaurant. He couldn’t afford it most days.

The boys entered the restaurant and took a booth in the far corner. Adam’s knee bounced incessantly under the table, and he couldn’t help but glance up every time the doorbell rang, signaling an entrance or departure. Halfway into dinner, Gansey dropped his pizza back onto his plate and asked, “What is the matter with you? You’ve been acting strangely all day since we got here. I would even use the word jittery to describe your behavior.”

“Gansey,” Adam sighed, but he never got to finish the rest of his sentence.

“Y’all gotta be kiddin me! Is that Robert Parrish’s lil boy?” A woman’s voice called out from across the restaurant. Adam recognized the thick country accent. Gansey and Adam’s heads turned in sync. It was Ms. Jody, the woman who stayed in the trailer next to him. She was an unmarried woman with two sons, a few years younger than Adam. Sometimes she would let her mutt wander into the Parrish’s yard. His dad hated it, but Adam never minded because Buttercup kept him company.

“Oh. Hey, Jody.” Adam offered an uneasy smile and stood to let Ms. Jody pull him into a bone-crushing hug. All while, he could feel Gansey’s hot gaze on his back.

“Have you been home this entire time, Adam? ”

“Um, I’m just in town for the day,” Adam said uncomfortably. “What are you doing here?”

“I was pickin up dinner. I have to say that I’m surprised to see you. Your daddy been tellin the whole town that you turn your back on them and left for that big fancy school of yours. They haven’t heard from you since. I hope that ain't true. Your parents are good hardworkin Christian folk, and you should never forget where you come from.”

Adam wanted to tell her that was a lie. His parents weren’t good people, and neither was she. How many days had she seen Adam sporting bruises on his face and quickly glanced away? She could have helped him, but she did nothing. The words wouldn’t come. His mouth felt rubber and boneless, and he could hardly tell her that he hadn’t been home. Ms. Jody gave him a long stare and shook her head as if it was a shame. As if he was the wrong one. The guilty one.

 Her gaze followed Gansey, taking in his pristine appearance with a hint of suspicion and apprehension. It was the look that the people of Henrietta reserved for Aglionby boys. Gansey didn’t wait to be introduced. He stood and stretched out his hand.

“I’m Gansey, Adam’s--” He hesitated, and quickly glanced at Adam. “--friend. We study at Yale together. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Jody. This is a charming little town that you have here.” He flashed her a dazzling smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, but nevertheless, the effect worked just the same.

Ms. Jody remembered her manners and returned the handshake.

“Pleasure to meet you too, Mr. Gansey,” She said before releasing his hand. She turned her gaze back to Adam.

“I should go. The boys are waitin in the car, but come visit us at the trailer park sometime soon. Don’t be a stranger.” She said before leaving the restaurant.  

An uncomfortable silence lingered at their table. Adam stared forward, avoiding Gansey’s gaze. He swallowed as his chest constrict painfully. He tried to tell himself that it didn't really happen. Ms. Jody didn't just expose him as a fraud, as the white trailer trash he was.

“Adam.”

We should go before it gets dark,” Adam said, as he pulled out his wallet and slapped money on the table with more force than he had meant to and left the restaurant. Gansey ran after him.

“Adam, wait!” He pulled on his coat sleeve, spinning him around until they were face to face in the Nino’s parking lot. Adam flinched away from him. “Could we at least talk about this? Why didn’t you just tell me? Did you think I would judge you for this?” Gansey gestured around.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Adam stuffed his hands into his pockets, avoiding Gansey’s stare.

“No. We’re not doing that anymore. What the hell is going on, Adam?” He demanded in his Richard Gansey the III voice, the one that commanded authority. Adam hated it.

“I don’t have to tell you anything because, you know what, Gansey? The world doesn’t revolve around you,” he seethed, quietly.

“I’m not trying to make this about me. I just want to understand. Obviously, something happened to the point that you don’t want to go home…” Gansey gently hedged the topic as if he was walking on glass.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, so just shut up!” Adam snapped, and Gansey stared at him with parted lips, stunned.

“Look at yourself. You’re like some cornered animal, scared and==”

“Stop! You don’t get to psychoanalyze me.” He sneered. “You’ve only known me for a few months. You don't know me.”

“You’re right. I don’t know who the real Adam Parrish is because you don’t give anyone the chance. You just sweep your secrets under a rug and pray that no one looks underneath.” Gansey glanced down, and he swallowed thickly before he looked up at Adam with an uneasy expression. “Adam, were you ab-- I mean...are your parents the reason why you can’t hear out of your left ear?” Gansey asked. It was finally out there, and though Gansey only asked about his ear, Adam knew that this was so much more than that.

“How do you know about that?” Adam had never told anyone about his left ear.

“You always walk on my left side, and you’ll turn your right ear towards someone if you can’t quite hear them. There were other things…” Gansey said quietly. Adam felt so exposed. He thought no one would know about the scars Robert Parrish left on him, but Adam had been wearing his scars for everyone to see this entire time.   

“You want to know who the real Adam Parrish is?” Adam asked in a careful and controlled voice. “Sure, what do you want to know about me?”

“Adam--”

“No, what do you want to know about? That I lived in a shitty trailer with no money? That my dad beat the living fuck out of me for eighteen years while my mother just stood around and let him? That, yes, my dad punched me so hard that I fell down the stairs and lost my hearing? That I have __worked__  myself to death with three jobs on top of school to make sure that I got out of this stupid town with these stupid people! So there, now you know the real Adam Parrish, the freak show that was my life. We all can’t be as spit and polished as you are.”

“Adam--” Gansey looked horrified by Adam’s admission.

“Not everyone gets to grow up in fancy boarding schools, shaking hands with senators and sprouting out the most condescending and pretentious words known to mankind. And we’re definitely not all fortunate to go traipsing around the world because we have the time and money to waste chasing dead Welsh guys. Some of us work for a living because we have __real__  problems. So congratulations, you won the fucking lottery!” Adam shouted. Gansey flinched at the scathing words.

“Is that what you really think of me?”

“Yes,” replied Adam.

Gansey didn’t say anything else. They stood in an unnatural silence, and Gansey looked at him with a soft and wounded expression as if Adam was a sheet of glass threatening to shatter everywhere. Adam’s body shook with rage. He wanted to scream and hit something until his voice was sore and his knuckles were bruised and bloodied. If there was anything Adam hated more than that authoritative voice, it was that soft and pitying look that Gansey cast him.

“You don’t get to look at me like that, like I’m a thing to be pitied. I don’t want to be pitied. I don’t want your damn pity.”

“I wouldn’t have to look at you that way if you didn’t act so pathetic.” Gansey snapped, and the words struck Adam down in the chest. Gansey’s eyes went wide, and he cupped his hands over his mouth as he realized that what he said had crossed the line. “Wait, Adam--”

Adam gaped openly at him for a moment before storming out of Nino’s parking lot. Gansey jogged after him, calling his name. Adam didn’t stop or look back to see if Gansey was there long after he stopped calling after him. He didn’t know if he could trust himself not to swing out and hit something. Adam distracted himself with theories of natural law and Latin legal maximsuntil he couldn’t feel his anger anymore, just shame. A few minutes later, Adam heard the roar of the Pig pulling up next to him. Gansey rolled down the passenger window and called out to him.

“I’m sorry,” Gansey yelled over the Pig’s engine. Adam kept walking. “Come on Adam, I’m not leaving you here. Where do you have to go? Please… just get in the car. You don’t have to talk to me after this ever, but let me take you back to Washington.” Adam stopped, and the Pig slowed to a stop next to him. 

They didn’t speak a single word on the way back to Washington DC.

*** 

The past two days in the Gansey household had been unbearable. Despite the Gansey’s gracious hospitality, Adam found being in the house suffocating while Gansey and he were still fighting. He spent most of the time out in the city at museums and parks. When he wasn’t exploring, he read the Goblet of Fire. He was in the middle of the novel one night when his phone buzzed next to him. It was a tiny, ancient thing but it got the work done.

“Hello? "

“Parrish, ole buddy, ole pal!”

“Henry?” Adam asked.

“The one and only,” Henry replied, and Adam could hear the smile in his voice. “So how are the holidays with the Gansey’s? I’m bored out of my mind here! Have you guys accidentally conveniently shared a bed together yet?”

“What?”

“You know how in every fanfiction where two guys go out of town together, they conveniently end up sharing a bed together.”

“I don’t read fanfiction…”

“That’s a shame. We’re going to have to do something about that when you get back. Me? I’m a big Drarry lover. I was thinking when my sweet blonde lover and I finally get together, we could dress up as Drarry for Halloween and go make out on the steps of one of these old Hogwarts looking buildings on campus.”

“Drarry?” Adam asked. “Is that suppose to be Harry and Draco?”

“Yes, and It’s the best love story known to mankind after mine.”

“You don’t even know this guy’s name. You’ve barely talked to him. He’s just some guy who skates everywhere around campus. He could be a ghost for all we know.”

“Well, you are wrong about one thing, Adam Parrish. With all the free time on my hands, I was able to find him on Facebook. I had to go through all the members of our class Facebook page, but I found him. Noah Czerny.”

“I’m impressed,” Adam said because it was the truth. Henry had the patience to carefully comb through thousands of Facebook profiles.

“Damn right, but that was like the second day of break. Gansey hardly responded to my text about it.” At the mention of Gansey, Adam abruptly remembered that the two were roommates and close friends. Henry never called Adam on his phone. He mostly texted.

“Why are you calling?” Adam asked suspiciously.

“I told you I was bored.”

“It’s been two weeks into the break and you’re calling now?”

“Okay you got me,” said Henry. “I’ve been busy playing the three of us on Sims 4. We share an apartment together. Gansey got probed by an alien, so the two of you are raising Gansey’s bastard child, but you’re quite happy together--”

“What did Gansey tell you?” Adam asked aggressively. “He put you up to this, didn’t he?”

“Woah, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Did something happen? Did you two get into a fight or something?” Henry’s airy tone evaporated quickly, and Adam realized by the sudden shift that Henry hadn’t called on Gansey’s behalf. He felt stupid all of the sudden. Adam sighed into the phone.

“I screwed everything up.” That was what Adam did. He ruined things, taking all that was good and pure and making it ugly. He thought of Gansey’s broken expression. Adam had done that because he couldn’t control this malignant compulsion inside of him that clawed and scratched and bit at everything that showed him a hint of kindness. He didn’t deserve for good things to happen to him like Yale and Henry and Gansey.

Adam told Henry about two days ago. The drive to Henrietta, the psychic visit, Nino’s, the argument in the parking lot, and the ugly things he said to Gansey. He left out most of the details about his personal life. He didn’t think that he was strong enough to tell Henry any of that.

“Jesus,” Henry swore into the phone.

“You probably think I’m the worst person.”

The line went silent for a very long time, and for a moment, Adam’s worst fears were confirmed.

“Have you ever been kidnapped?”

 Henry’s voice was oddly light for the question. Overall, it was a strange question for Henry to spring up at the moment.

“No,” he said.

Another long silence followed before, “I was kidnapped once. I was ten.”

“Shit Henry. That’s...” Adam didn’t have the words. What words could he say to something like that without sounding cheap? “Awful.”

“Don’t feel too sorry for me, Parrish. They brought me back, didn’t they?” To Adam’s horror, Henry even laughed at his own joke

“I was locked in a dark hole for days with no human contact. I screamed myself sore. At the time my parents were in two different countries, so getting a hold of them wasn’t easy.”

“How did your parents find you?” Adam asked quietly.

“Oh, the kidnapper made me record a video for my mom, detailing all the things they were going to do to me if she didn’t pay the ransom. My mom is a badass though, told them that she didn’t pay for damaged goods and hung up in their face. They struck a decent deal and came to an agreement. I came back mostly unscathed.” By the end of that, Henry sounded winded. Adam couldn’t see his face, but he knew that whatever expression he wore, it contradicted the airiness of his voice. Adam closed his eyes shut and squeezed the phone in his hand.

“How are you so casual about this?”

“I’ve had years to process this Adam. I am claustrophobic because of...you know, well, I use to be. It’s gotten better. It gets better with time.” Henry said.

“Why are telling me this?”

“Because we’re haunted people, Adam. Everyone is carrying some kind of trauma on them, but we don’t have to let that trauma define us. You get to do that for yourself. Look at yourself and everything you have accomplished. You made it to Yale all on your own on a full tuition. You’re an ace student. And you’re a big fancy hot shot that everyone wants to bone. So cut yourself a break.”

“I’m not a hot shot,” Adam mumbled into the phone.

“Parrish, where the fuck have you been? Everywhere we go, the girls drool over you. The boys too. Please tell me you’ve noticed how much your roommate wants to bone that sweet body of yours, right?”

“Tad?” Adam asked disbelievingly and opened his eyes. “He’s straight.”

“Sure Jan.” Henry snorted into the phone. For the first time in several days, Adam laughed.

The line went silent again, and Adam debated with himself in the silence. His stomach rolled unpleasantly at what he was about to do. He had to say the words. If he could say the words, maybe they wouldn’t feel like a heavy weight dragging around his feet.

“Henry.”

“Yeah.”

“I can’t hear out of my left ear.”

“Yeah, I know, Adam,” said Henry softly.

“My dad did that. I was--” Adam swallowed and despite the fact that his tongue felt like lead, he forced himself to say the words.“I was physically abused for eighteen years.”

It was the first time he had ever spoken the words.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah.”

*** 

“Wow Adam, you clean up well.” Helen whistled as she passed him in the hallway, her eyes raking across his body. Adam’s face grew warm under her compliment. Helen was a beautiful woman, her smile just as charming and her eyes just as keen as her brother’s. It must be a trait passed down from generation to generation.

“Thank you.” He accepted her compliment. “Do you know if Gansey is in his room?”

“I’m assuming that he’s still there. I haven’t seen him roaming the halls yet,” Helen said. She took a few steps down the hall before she paused and turned back towards Adam. “Find me during the party. Maybe we can share a drink together?”

Adam almost told her that he didn’t drink, but it felt rude to refuse her. She never said that it had to be an alcoholic drink, and he was sure that there would be non-alcoholic beverages downstairs.

“Sure thing.”

Helen’s lips curled into a sharp smile before she strutted down the hall. He went his separate way. Adam stood outside Gansey’s door for a while, debating whether to knock. It had been three days now, and they hadn’t spoken a word to each other. Things needed to stop, and if that meant that Adam needed to swallow his pride and apologize first, then he would do that.

Adam knocked hesitantly on the door before he heard a muffled, “Come in,” from the other side. Adam twisted the knob and let himself in.

Gansey stood in front of a full-length mirror, working on his tie. When his eyes caught Adam’s in the mirror, the fabric slipped from his fingers. They stood there just watching the other, waiting for one of them to make the first move. Finally, Gansey cleared his throat.

“Come in and sit. You can close the door.” He motioned to Adam before he resumed tying his tie in the mirror. Adam closed the door before he took a seat on the edge of the bed and watched Gansey in the mirror.

He looked good in his tailored navy suit. The jacket wrapped snug around the muscles of his arms. The crisp sky blue button-down that he wore brought out the hazel in his eyes. His tie matched his suit, and his shoes were a nice black oxford. He looked like a model straight out of those magazines with the men and their the big gleaming watches. Before Adam could calculate how much that entire outfit must cost, he shut down the thought in favor of just admiring Gansey in the mirror. Their eyes met again, neither sure of how to proceed from here.

“I’m sorry,” Gansey said first before Adam could get the words out. “I shouldn’t have called you pathetic. I wanted to say that the moment you got in the car, but I didn’t think you would want to talk to me. You’re not pathetic. I mean, you’re a survivor of abuse and that makes you one of the strongest people that I know, to endure something like that for so long.” Gansey turned to look at Adam. “You’re not just strong. You’re ambitious and you’re hardworking and you’re so clever and witty. And you make me laugh all the time. After everything that you’ve been through, you can still laugh at things.”

Adam decided to take Henry's advice and cut himself a break. Despite his many flaws, and Adam had a lot, Gansey thought he was intelligent and clever and witty and hardworking and strong. It warmed Adam all over that Gansey saw those things when he looked at him.

“I’m sorry too,” Adam said. “I said some awful things to you. It was insensitive to think that you don’t suffer from real issues...because you have money. I was embarrassed, and I took out my frustrations on you...which wasn’t fair. Not to mention that I said searching for Glendower was a waste of time, so I guess we have to find him now so I can apologize to him too.”

This made Gansey laugh before he moved towards the bed and sat on Adam’s right side. They sat in a calm silence before a question came to Adam.

“You’ve never told me why you’re looking for Glendower. I always assumed that you were going to ask him for a wish, but why Glendower?”

“You don’t know this about me, but I have a severe allergy to wasps. One sting and I could die.”

Adam swore under his breath, but Gansey continued.

“Years ago, I accidentally step on a wasp nest out in the woods--" As Gansey told the story, his breath hitched and grew uneven as he recalled the memory. “They were too many to count, and honestly, I should be dead, but when I was laying on the ground, I swore I heard a voice, and it told me that I would live because of Glendower.” Gansey paused, and the room fell into a hushed silence. Adam didn't know how to process the story. The skeptic part of him would chalk this up to delirium from being stung by hundreds of bees. The other part of him--the part infected with Gansey’s eccentric enthusiasm--wondered if maybe magic did exist out there in this chaos of life.That maybe there were more important things in life than wealth and status…

“Glendower saved my life, Adam. So that means I have to find him, right? That’s why I’m here. To find him.”

“What happens when you find Glendower?”

“I don't know. I guess that's something we’ll have to find out when we get there. That is… if you still want to continue this beyond the comparative mythology conference.”

Glendower meant returning to Henrietta.

“I want to find Glendower,” Adam said quietly. “I also left Henrietta for a reason because… I’m afraid of being stuck, tethered to this awful place and can't escape.”

“I don’t know if you realized this, but you left Henrietta twice, without hardly looking back. That means that you can __keep__  leaving. You could go anywhere, do whatever you want. You’re the--what did Persephone say?” Gansey took a moment to think about it, but Adam instantly recalled the word.

“The magician.”

“Yeah, Like Glendower.” Gansey smiled, the lines on his face grew soft. “That means the possibilities are endless for you.”

He reached out and grazed the shell of Adam's deaf ear with gentle fingers. Adam closed his eyes, and something in the kind gesture made his breath hitch and his stomach flop and his face blush and his insides go to jelly. When Adam finally opened his eyes, Gansey was staring back at him. Their lips were so close, and Gansey cupped Adam’s face in his hands before his lips curled into a nervous smile. Adam watched as he leaned in, but instead of kissing Adam’s lips, he kissed the shell of his ear, feathery soft. Then he kissed under his earlobe. And then he kissed his neck. Adam’s eyes fluttered closed, and then Gansey lips were everywhere, his chin, his nose, his forehead, his eyelids, the freckles sprawled across his cheeks. Gansey lips were warm. They were tender. They seeped into Adam’s skin and whispered words of wonderment and worship and want.

Overwhelmed and choked on emotions, Adam could stand no more of it. He grabbed the front of Gansey’s suit jacket and crushed their mouths together. Gansey’s mouth fell open on his, and he made a soft murmur of approval in the back of his throat as Adam kissed him ardently, ravenously as if Gansey was the last drop of water in the desert.

They pulled apart, both flushed in the face and panting. Gansey looked a lot less like those older models posing on those magazines and a little more like a teen boy his age should. Gansey stood to go look at himself in the mirror and smoothed out his suit jacket. He turned back to Adam. “Your tie is crooked.”

He walked over to fix Adam’s red tie. When he was finished, his hands lingered. Adam could feel his heart racing in his chest.

A sharp knock sounded at the door that made the boys jump apart.

“Hey Dick,” said Helen. “Mom needs you downstairs soon. So hurry up!” They could hear her footsteps fading down the hall.

“I guess we should go downstairs,” Adam said, standing. “Do you maybe want to talk later?” Adam asked, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “About this…” He gestured between them.

“God yes!” Gansey said eagerly before clearing his throat and composing himself. “I mean, yeah. Maybe after the party… if you’re not too tired.”

Adam smiled. “You do realize that it's New Year's Eve? The earliest anyone will be leaving this party is one.”

“You’re right. Then let me take you for coffee at Kramerbooks in the morning… for a first date?” Gansey suggested.

“And we’ll talk?”

“And maybe do a little more than talking.” Gansey’s hand slid down the front of his tie.

“You mean purchase books and find a nice corner to read in for a few hours?”

“Yes Adam, that's exactly what I mean.”

***

The last of their audience members filed out of the presentation room, chattering eagerly among themselves. Henry turned to them, grinning broadly before he pulled both Adam and Gansey in for hugs.

“Congratulation!” Henry said as he pulled back. “The old lady on the front row left with a bigger boner for Glendower than Dick III over here.”

“Henry, You can’t just say the word--” Gansey gave a cautious look around before he whispered. “-- _ _boner__  in public.”

Henry laughed along with Adam.

“Adam please tell your very ancient boyfriend that it’s not the fifties anymore. The cops aren't going to arrest you if you say penis out loud.”

 Adam shrugged at Gansey as if to say __what can you do about it__ , and Gansey shook his head disapprovingly. Adam grinned. He was dating an old grandpa.

“Why must everything be about penises with you Henry?” Gansey asked.

“If Shakespeare made a living telling dick jokes, so can I. ”

“He has a point,” Adam said, and Gansey turned to him.

“Are you just going to be Henry’s amen corner all day?”

“You’re just jealous of the profound connection Adam and I have. Sure, I’m not sticking my tongue down Adam’s throat like you are, but it’s still a strong connection.” Henry said, and to that, Gansey choked on air while heat and color gradually spread over Adam’s ears, neck, and face.

“Henry, please stop talking,” Gansey quickly distracted himself with the conference itinerary book. His book was tabbed and color-coded with notes in the margins. Months ago, Adam would have found the behavior obnoxious, but now it had grown on him to be endearing and so painfully Gansey.

The three of them started to make their way out of the presentation room, wandering without a destination.

“There is a presentation on metaphors and mythical languages that start in fifteen  minutes.” Gansey looked up at Henry and Adam hopefully.

“We should go,” Adam said.

“Sure, but I’m taking a long nap after this.” Henry yawned. “This eight am is kicking my ass this semester. Who thought it was a good idea to take political science at eight in the morning?”

“That was your idea, Henry. It was the only class all three of us could take together.” Gansey replied.

“You’re an insomniac, and Adam thrives off of exhaustion. Eight o'clock in the morning looks well on you guys. This--" Henry gestured to himself. “--takes a lot of time and hair gel.”

“You do look like a baby mandrake first thing in the morning,” Adam smirked. Henry’s jaw fell open, and Gansey failed horribly at stifling a laugh.

Henry composed himself, narrowing his eyes at Adam. “I made you, and I can destroy you. I’ll spoil The Deathly Hallowsfor you, I swear.”

“You will no such thing!” Gansey gasped, horrified.

“That would be a real dick move. I was going to start tonight, now that I have some free time.”

“From Glendower?” Henry snorted, turning to face Adam as they walked up the stairs.  “You’re apart of the cult now. Trust me, there is no escaping Glendower--"

Before Adam could warn Henry to watch out, he walked directly into another person. Henry stumbled on the stairs, and the stranger grabbed him by the arms and pulled Henry up straight.

“Sorry! I should have been paying attention.” The strange boy said. He had skin the color of fresh milk, mischievous blues eyes, and blonde hair that had been combed back. Henry stared at him as if he saw an apparition, and his mouth hung open for an embarrassingly long time. When Henry didn't respond at all, the boy grew distressed, inching backward. “Again, sorry.” He awkwardly shuffled around them before continuing down the stairs.

It didn't take Adam long to piece together what happened.

“So that’s him, huh?” Adam asked.

“That's...the love of my life. I’m going to marry that boy.” Henry said.

“You have nice taste. I approve,” said Gansey.

Adam turned to his boyfriend and raised an eyebrow. “Should I be concerned?”

Gansey smiled. “Let’s be honest. Out of the two of us, I should be worried. Who else is going to debate with me over whether Shakespeare or Marlow is the better playwright?”

“Definitely Marlow.” Both Henry and Adam said at the same time.

“See, that is where you’re incorrect…” Gansey launched into his tirade as the trio climbed up the stairs together. They argued passionately back and forth on their way to the next presentation.

Months ago, Adam would have been horrified by his pretentious behavior. But today, he didn't mind how nerdy or pretentious the three of them were together because he was finally learning what it meant to be comfortable in his own skin, flaws and all. Gansey’s affection or Henry’s kindness didn’t magically heal him because some days his trauma popped up unexpectedly like a game of whack-a-mole. But instead of beating it down in the ground for no one to see, Gansey and Henry’s friendship taught him how to carry his sorrow with him just like he carried his joy and his laughter and his few good memories. Some days, the load was heavier to bear than others. Today, however, Adam couldn't ever remember feeling so free.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think. Comment, leave a kudos, bookmark, send a message via pigeon. If you would like to obsess about Adansey or TRC in general, feel comfortable to talk to me on [tumblr.](http://rarity-kasket.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Until we meet again! xoxo, Kasket!!!!


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